Late-diagnosed women and ADHD: I always knew something was different about my brain

As an ADHD coach, I often hear the same story from women who come to me: a lifelong suspicion that their brains operate a little differently, an inkling that something’s been overlooked or misunderstood about them for years. You might have felt this way yourself, sensing that the whirlwind in your mind was more than just a quirk of personality. This instinct about your ADHD, even before diagnosis, is your brain’s way of say, trust yourself, you know what works for you, and what doesn’t.

The Silent Struggle: Women and ADHD
ADHD in girls and women often goes unnoticed, overshadowed by the stereotypical image of a hyperactive boy bouncing off the classroom walls or engaging in risk taking behaviour. For women, ADHD can manifest in subtler ways: chronic disorganization, an overwhelming sense of forgetfulness, or the constant battle to maintain focus amidst a cacophony of thoughts. You might remember moments in your life where you felt different, like an outsider, or struggling to keep up with what everybody else seemed to know or understand. Often there is a disconnect with the big picture, perhaps because we are focused on just getting through the day, or because time-blindness doesn’t allow us to visualize beyond what’s right in front of us.

Early Signs: The Whisper of ADHD
The signs were there, whispering to you throughout your life. In school, you might have been labelled as "daydreamy" or "easily distracted." Teachers noted your potential but expressed concern about your inability to stay on task. Perhaps you had trouble organizing your thoughts for essays or performing repetitive tasks. Maybe you had trouble connecting with others. I had a client that said at the age of 10 or 11 she knew that the way tests were conducted, or the way topics were taught wasn’t accommodating the way she learned. She felt there was a missing piece in terms of her being able to understand. She said no one had the language (learning modalities, unique brain wiring) to help her realize the problem wasn’t that she wasn’t trying – she was – but that she was spending so much energy trying to learn in a way that didn’t work for her brain.

Trusting Your Instinct: The Power of Self-Recognition
For many women, the realization that they might have ADHD comes not from an external diagnosis but from an internal recognition. This instinct is powerful and often stems from years of feeling out of sync with the world. You might have sensed it in your constant need to make lists or in the way your thoughts dart from one topic to another like a hummingbird. Trusting these instincts is the first step towards understanding and managing your ADHD.

The Aha Moment: Connecting the Dots
The moment of realization can be both liberating and daunting. It’s when all those fragmented pieces of your experience come together, and you finally see the bigger picture. You understand why you struggled with time management, why keeping track of details was like trying to catch water with your hands, and why certain social situations felt overwhelmingly complex. This "aha moment" is crucial—it’s the point where you start to move from confusion to clarity.

Seeking Help: The Role of an ADHD Coach
Once you recognize the signs, seeking professional help becomes the next vital step. Many choose to get diagnosed, but many don’t. They just know (or there are barriers in the healthcare system). An ADHD coach can provide the support and strategies you need to thrive. We work together to understand your unique challenges and strengths, developing personalized plans to help you navigate daily tasks, improve organization, and enhance focus.
As a coach, I’ve seen countless women transform their lives once they stop putting their energy into trying to get better at things they struggle with that others seem to find easy. It’s a game of trying to keep up. Once they learn how to re-direct their energy and focus, they move from a state of perpetual overwhelm to one of empowerment, using their creative and dynamic minds to their advantage.

Embracing Your ADHD Strengths
It’s essential to understand that ADHD isn’t just about challenges; everybody comes with their own set of strengths. Many women with ADHD are highly creative, intuitive, and empathetic. They’re able to think outside the box, see connections others might miss, and bring a unique perspective to every situation. Embracing your ADHD means recognizing these your own ways of learning (learning modalities), your personal character strengths (leadership, creativity, love of learning) and using them to your advantage.
 
Moving Forward: Feeling Authentic 
Trusting your instincts about your ADHD is the beginning of a transformative journey. It’s about shifting from a mindset of struggle to one where you give yourself permission to thrive. It’s about finally feeling comfortable in your own skin, knowing your boundaries, developing strategies, and knowing yourself. 
So, to all the women who’ve felt that quiet suspicion about their ADHD—trust it.